I know you want even more funny Facebook quotes to fill up your status box with, so don’t worry. Today’s going to be a bumper day for you. Now that you’ve used all of your Facebook emoticons, posted on all of your friends’ walls and finally finished your amazingly funny Facebook note (I know people who do those ‘tagging’ photos of all of their friends practically all day)…you can finally update your status and then log off the social network (for a few minutes at least).
So these quotes and sayings for Facebook are going to be brilliant – why? Because every one is an excellent one-liner and will make everyone on your Facebook list laugh. Some of them are a little controversial too – so it will force people to leave comments on your genius too – very handy for boosting your rep :P
The last thing about today’s Facebook quotes is that they are mostly positive – so people will be clicking the ‘like’ button on your comments faster than you can say ‘don’t laugh at me, laugh at my Facebook status’.
Anyway, enough of the chit chat – here are the funny Facebook quotes:
More funny Facebook quotes
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
- Management speak has never been more truthful.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
Sounds like an army corporal’s introduction speech.
A thing not worth doing isn’t worth doing well.
The perfect reply for when your boss asks you to do something dumb (if you want to get fired)
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
- Unless your job is being a priest.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Paste this on someone’s comment when they say something idiotic or controversial!
Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
- Know anybody who’s getting divorced in the near future? Let them know you’re thinking about them…
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
- Unless they’re really bad at their job, of course…
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
- If you ever see a green glowing tabby, steer clear of it.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Best friend, confidante, drug dealer.
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
- A lot of people on my friends list never go outside, so this won’t apply to them.
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
- I hate it when you get what you wish for!
I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
- The only crime that is worse than being caught having sex with an animal. Just.
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing
- The perfect answer to ‘OMG I’M GETTING MARRIED status updates’.
I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
- Get the oven on, we might as well try!
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
The old ones are the best!
We always love finding new jokes to use online, so if you have got any more funny one-liners for Facebook quotes then let us know in the comments below!