Seems like you’ve come back for more Facebook quotes to impress and amaze your friends online! Well look no further – today we have a good mixture of jokes and humour to make even the most hardened FB user giggle in his cubicle and press ‘like’ on your comment!

If you didn’t try out any of the funny Facebook quotes from the previous posts, you made a big mistake. I changed my Facebook status about five times in one day, and each one got me a load of people clicking ‘like’ and between five and ten comments! You should try them yourself.

Look below for the quotes and sayings for today’s status, and remember that it doesn’t matter who you offend, as long as they’re not your boss! Or your mother.

Hilarious Facebook quotes

Whatever kind of style you were aiming at, you missed.
- Aimed at all of the teenage girls who hang around my street at 7pm and think that they’re hot stuff!

My cubicle is just a padded cell without no door.
- The sad truth about the working man’s plight (in the loony bin)

I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.
- Respect lands WAY down the list when it comes to ‘what makes me happy’!

Too many clowns, not enough circuses.
- And your sister is the one with the biggest red nose!

How do I set a laser pointers to stun?
- Captain? Captain?! Beam me up out of this meeting! It’s as boring as hell!

Never trust a dog to watch your food, never trust a cat to watch your back.
- You never know where they’ve had their claws all day…

Money is the root of all of my wealth.
- So show me the petals and flowers!

If you have more cool Facebook quotes then please let us know about them, because we’re always looking for more! After I watched the new Star Trek movie the other day, I’ve decided to leave my status on the ‘set phasers to stun’ quote for a long time, because it’s hilarious!