Christmas is a time for giving and receiving, but also a time for reflecting on what you’ve done over the past twelve months and where your life is headed. In my case, it’s headed off a steep cliff at 90mph with a bottle of whisky on the dashboard and tears in my eyes. I hope you are doing better than that!

Many people will find themselves trapped at their relatives’ home this holiday season, and thus will look to the internet to save them from their incarceration, from http://www.casino.com/ to Facebook, and offer some contact with their friends and colleagues who avoided the parent trap by faking a holiday or by unplugging the phone. It is for you people I leave some funny Facebook quotes for you to use in your Facebook chat and status updates!

Never has there been a better time to share Christmas cheer than this December – and now instead of sending Christmas Cards you can leave a funny Facebook quotes in your home feed and remind everyone what the real spirit of Christmas is all about – bitterness, deceit, rage, alcoholism and every other element which keeps families together around the world. Let’s see the quotes:

Funny Christmas quotes

The only thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
- Well if they are red and furry then they shouldn’t be so worried!

Christmas has always been a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.
- I know who’s winning the battle in my house, and the answer lives in my shoes!

I never believed in this Santa Claus guy because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark.
- Black, white, yellow or blonde – as long as you have booze, Santa will pay you a visit!

I once bought my children a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it that said “toys not included”.
- That’s why your son is now in prison and your daughter lives with a biker named ‘Bruiser’.

Make sure you mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
- The more time you put them in the postal system, the more pieces they’ll be in when they arrive.

Santa Claus has the right idea. You should visit people a maximum of once a year.
- Family members are like fish – they should be grilled thoroughly before eating.

That’s all the funny Facebook quotes for you to use this Christmas period – I hope you have a great time and don’t spend all your time playing with Facebook chat or Twitter!